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Monday, October 2nd, 2006
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(i only do this when i feel nostalgic... and when it's fall.)
aristophanes: "...he'd found out at last what he had always wanted: to come together and melt together with the one he loves, so that one person emerged from two ... and now 'love' is the name for our pursuit of wholeness, for our desire to be complete."
summer is gone. but here's what it was like: hot (fucking hot), filter-frustrated, air conditioning-longing, giraffe-feeding, sunset-on-the-beach-loving, berkeley-tastic, radiohead-amazing.
this fall has thus far been filled with sonic youth and tv on the radio and spencer krug and cupcakes and cuddling and editing and drawing and definitely not reading but sleeping far too late. oh, and may i mention that geology does not rock?
looking forward to the weather (actually) changing, so i can drink cocoa and tea and bundle up and skip class because it's raining.
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2 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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i love when everything falls into place.
basically, i've had an incredible two weeks that have made me actually like being at my school (a somewhat rare feeling this past year) & i'm really looking forward to my summer. i'm excited for possibilities and music and living in l.a. and wonderful things.
i'm not really sure how to handle this, because i don't remember the last time i felt this, well, happy. and i'm not really sure why i'm saying this here, but i just wanted to say it.
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5 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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| Time: | 10:40 am. |
| Music: | flaming lips. |
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we've got the power now, motherfuckers.
(finals are over. celebrations will commence after a sweet nap.)
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finally there is clarity.
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i just discovered this weekend that there is something better in life, something bigger. strangely enough, it's in coachella, ca.
i just had the most amazing weekend of my entire life, and i wanted everyone to know this. between dancing nonstop for 1.5 hours to daft punk (who were dressed as fucking robots on a pyramid that fucking lit up!!), and (re-)falling in love with wolf parade, i really have no words but to say that it was amazing. too amazing. i'm almost afraid of forgetting even a second of it.
i'd like to also mention that this semester has gone by incredibly quickly. despite the recent workload and nonstop essaying, i'm beginning to feel nostalgic. yes, already. i'm pretty convinced that this was my last year to be a silly college kid, that next year i will have to be all adult-like. i do not like this feeling. i also do not like that i will not be seeing some of my favorite people for an entire year, because we will (hopefully) be gallivanting about europe during our respective semesters.
i must say, however, that despite its unfair speed, this semester was actually pleasant. two relatively spontaneous bay area adventures, papering and meeting new wonderful people... i think it's the coachella in me speaking, but i feel overwhelmingly positive about, well, everything.
what i am looking forward to: most immediately, this friday at 5:01, when all my essays will have been turned in. following closely after, senior week, which will involve me not being stressed about school. then, living at ucla with one of the loves of my life, hae jung shin (and her wonderful friends). and, of course, my summer internship, which should involve my official transformation into a pretentious music asshole who hangs out exclusively with adorable (older) men with impeccable musical comprehension.
gosh, i'm so fucking in love right now, i can hardly handle it.
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2 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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pardon my optimism for a few moments, but here's the occasional "things that make me ecstatic" entry:
working for the college newspaper. all of the sudden, i realized this is close to exactly what i want to do when i grow up. i love marking the weeks in wednesdays when the newest issue is released.
taking guitar lessons. i like that i know dominant chord progressions and that i understand what "second position" means, in a non-sexual context. i'm going to start dropping guitar lingo in my next conversation and see if it makes me more interesting.
spending $200 to secure my spot at coachella this april. i'm pretty sure the entire newspaper staff is attending the festival; we're going to do a sex drugs & rock 'n roll-type expose. or just end up getting really stoned to daft punk. i've convinced myself that i'm not allowed to feel collegiate until having been to a music festival in the middle of the desert, so i'm really going for the purpose of gaining some kind of personal affirmation. and to see wolf parade.
my modern british lit class. i just reread heart of darkness after hating it in high school (despite it having been taught by jcroz), and i had one of those "this is what my life has been missing" moments. i'm addicted to everything we read in that class. epistemological anxiety- who knew?
talking about heidegger every friday afternoon. i know, i know. but this crazy german has so much to say. in honor of his ideas, i have been attempting to live more authentically. it's about actively claiming responsibility for actions and uncovering meaning in every situation; it's about being aware of every choice- there were other options available but you chose your actions and thus revealed circumstances that would not have come to light without your active participation in life. i love it.
falling asleep to abbey road. this is my new obsession.
or how about the fact that i am writing an essay on bilbo baggins and the elegaic qualities of tolkien's works?
and there's also the high possibility i will make my way to the bay area mid-march for spring break loveliness.
everything's far more tolerable when i look at lists like this.
("it's getting better all the time.")
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2 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Thursday, January 5th, 2006
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from a speech by mark danner, delivered to the graduating students of 2005 in the english department at berkeley:
"to be an english major is to live not only by questioning, but by being questioned. it is to live with a question mark placed squarely on your forehead. it is to live, at least some of the time, in a state of 'existential dread.' to be a humanist, that is, means not only to see clearly the surfaces, but to place oneself in opposition, however subtle, an opposition that society seldom lets you forget: what are you going to do that? ... english majors, and other determined humanists, distinguish themselves not only by reading shakespeare or chaucer or joyce or woolf or zora neale hurston but by refusing, in the face of overwhelming pressure, to answer that question. whether they acknowledge it or not - whether they know it or not - and whatever they eventually decide to do with 'that,' they see developing the moral imagination as more important than securing economic self-justification."
breaks from college life always completely throw me off. it's all curious bouts of nostalgia combined with fleeting fits of depression caused by a reflective immersion in the old high-school frame of mind, and also that unfortunate on-campus job at which i continue to work and that also happens to be sucking away the exuberance of my youth.
but then, i stumble upon this rather random comment, which was certainly not as meaningful nor poignant at the time of its original receipt:
"good luck with your goodbyes, and don't let them go on for too long or they'll go on forever."
how appropriate; what perfect, particular timing to stumble upon those words of wisdom. we all have that person(s) from the past who has nearly single-handedly defined the way in which we now choose to view life and approach (usually hesitantly) human relationships. i'm willing to say goodbye to that, or at least try. c'mon kids, let's seize our youth! it really will be over far too soon.
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2 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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this entry is dedicated to those everyday things that make me incredibly ecstatic.
yesterday at work my boss and i discussed movies while sipping on hot tea and eating french pastries.
before class, i decided to take a walk down the street to sav-on to get christmas lights for our balcony. it didn't really phase me when i returned home to find that they didn't work, and that's because i spent the entire walk stomping through orange and red crackly leaves on uneven residential streets.
later, latin class was actually tolerable, and we planned out our huge no-latin-for-a-month celebration that will take place after our final next friday.
in english, katie and i talked about rent.
after class, the girls and i went to see walk the line because we are giddy about joaquin phoenix and johnny cash, especially when they are the same person. we ran, laughing hysterically, through a sketchy parking garage and the brisk streets of pasadena to get to the movie on time. and afterwards when the lights came back on we all realized that every other person in the theatre was one part of a couple and they were all making out. and it was nauseating, but incredibly cute.
and today i took off an hour early from work for the sole purpose of playing guitar. and at my lesson my teacher basically affirmed my playing and i feel like a fucking rock god (though i'm far from it). and then i ran into ben at the cooler and we ate milk and cookies while discussing our future apartment in san francisco.
these moments somehow make it okay that later this week i have to suck it up and write a couple of potentially kick-ass papers.
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1 thought | finally there is clarity.
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Saturday, November 26th, 2005
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my thanksgiving break high has been broken:
i just realized the last day of classes for this semester is in just a week and a half.
i think i'm going to throw up. or cry.
or both, at the same time.
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3 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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this weekend, i'm running away from my problems, except this time i have a destination: berkeley, california. one sweet, sweet roadtrip coming right up.
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5 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Saturday, November 5th, 2005
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Monday, October 31st, 2005
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because epics and tragedies are what move me these days, here's a little virgil:
"when she was done with words - i weeping and
wanting to say so many things - she left
and vanished in transparent air. three times
i tried to throw my arms around her neck;
three times the shade i grasped in vain escaped
my hands - like fleet winds, most like a winged dream."
i keep kicking myself for missed opportunities. you'd think i'd act?
but i'm having my own personal faint dance party in my room. it's just me and sweet, sweet electro amazingness.
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finally there is clarity.
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Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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Saturday, October 1st, 2005
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so i was having one of those "what the hell am i doing with my life?" kind of weeks, which involved me attempting to redefine my college career, which caused me to consider the fleeting nature of my youth... until we visited the crepe man at the farmer's market. AND they had a petting zoo; and yes, i did pay three dollars to run around with farm animals on my friday night.
...and suddenly all is right with the world.
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8 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
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so basically, i'm about to recount an incredible weekend and i just thought i'd warn you that i might fail in doing it justice.
hae jung and i took a random road trip to berekely at 2:00am saturday morning to visit our amazing friend caroline, because we are just that ridiculous. what ensued can only be described as an insanely sleep-deprived adventure as we gallivanted about the bay area.
( Read more... )
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5 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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guhhhh fuckin' euripides! i love you.
i'd just like to say that my prediction concerning the impending amazingness of this school year is in its early stages of fulfillment.
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1 thought | finally there is clarity.
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Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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my last day at the theatre consisted of a lunch at hooters and a rousing 1.5 hour game of taboo (you're jealous). and i have to admit that, although i'm excited for an entire week without work before moving back to campus, i will miss spending my weekdays with the people there.
i'm so fond of delaying a good night's sleep for the sole purpose of achieving the perfect playlist for a mix cd. it must be a seamless, multi-layered arrangement; a cathartic collection of songs that commands the listener and seduces him into appreciation for the depth and intensity of the featured music. the songs must be chosen deliberately to serve a very specific purpose; the process is a careful art.
now, if this mix can even nearly meet such high standards, i will be overjoyed. but i have been looking forward to working on this all day, for it's this process that offers me such satisfaction.
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finally there is clarity.
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this past week has been spectacular, a swift whirlwind of excitement that has left me completely exhausted. my three doses of hae jung + carol included haggling our way into a tegan & sara show, meeting for a pizookie date, and a giant beach-froyo-log-maggie gyllenhaal extravaganza with todd and wedgehead. then, my second westwood outing of the week allowed hj and i to meet howard the dog and eat(unlimited?) breadsticks at olive garden with anthony while planning our series of commercials for go!caine, followed by some much needed time with ashley fucking petersen complete with sunday morning sushi and the aristocrats. what more could a girl ask for, except maybe for her car to be fixed?
as usual, i'm left without the appropriate words to describe how much i love this summer. i'll have to dedicate some serious time to determining a suitable articulation.
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3 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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from j. humphrys's introduction to j. cochrane's grammar book between you and i: "the more clearly we are able to express ourselves, the less room there is for ambiguity. the more elaborate and the more precise our vocabulary, the greater the scope for thought and expression. language is about subtlety and nuance. it is powerful and it is potent. we can woo with words and we can wound. despots fear the words of the articulate opponent. successful revolutions are acheived with words as much as with weapons."
dear mr. humphrys, thank you for articulating exactly why i love the art and power of language. this is why i love literature, or why i place so much importance upon the lyrics of a song: i am fascinated with the manipulation of language, how simple words can be placed together to convey the splendor of human thought. needless to say, i'm excited to master my vocabulary and be a seriously pretentious asshole.
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3 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
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so i have to admit that i do miss having someone who genuninely cares to hear about my day, or at least who believably claims to. monday i had a wonderful day and i wanted to run up to someone and ecstatically proclaim my love for walking through downtown on my own and then having the chance to plop down on beach sand to read breakfast at tiffany's in the fog, but i pathetically realized i didn't really have anybody. sure i could've told anyone but i do realize my anecdotes are just not as interesting as everyone else's collective gatsbian lifestyle.
(...but i told you so.)
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5 thoughts | finally there is clarity.
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corner_booth's journal
